PRESENCE...

This week was a difficult one, high emotions sweeping through me, old ones and new ones, evoked by starting new projects, working too much on my own and suddenly feeling lonely and isolated, questions about belonging and the future…then at the end of the week and it’s highlight, was seeing the Vietnamese Zen Buddhist master, poet and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh in London with my friend Kathy and listening to his deceptively simple message of mindfulness, presence, dealing with anger and pain, being in the world, smiling, the nature of love and cultivating relationships.

At a time when I am reading ‘The Zen of Creativity’ by John Daido Loori, to see and hear ‘Thay’ as he is also called, was moving and encouraging. And it was an interesting process, observing myself listening to him. He speaks quietly and slowly, sometimes repeating in slightly different ways what he has said already. And it all starts with the breath: breathing in….breathing out….observing one’s breath, enjoying one’s breath. I am observing my fidgety, impatient nature- ‘oh, come on, give me more than that…!’The ego hates simplicity, repetition, at least mine does!
A simple message: the body is here; the mind is either in the past reminiscing or in the future, worrying or dreaming. ‘If you are not HERE, where are you? If you are not where your body is, you are not really alive’. That’s tough!
Bringing the mind HOME to the body.

I didn’t like his slow pace, I didn’t like the simplicity, the -no frills’ teaching, the repetition; but I knew that he is right. And to me, who so often ponders about ‘HOME’, where home could possibly be for me, whether it’s here or there or where? , to speak of bringing the mind and body together , creating ‘home’ in oneself though this process, spoke deeply to me.
The power that lies in this alignment, in true presence- I think we can see it watching the Olympic athletes in their actions- this alignment of body and mind, sharp as an arrow, one-pointed concentration and presence: gymnasts, runners, swimmers…close ups of their faces just before and during the race or routine reveals it. We can see it sometimes in dancers, musicians, performers, singers giving their all. We can see it in their bodies, faces, in the hands, in gestures. Wherever we see it, it is a feast, a joy to watch, to listen, and we know intuitively that this is powerful, it transpires.

Watching Thich Naht Hanh sit and speak and particularly drink a cup of tea, I could see this embodiment of mindfulness. He is completely in the world and present. This rootedness in life is obvious in his life, having been an activist for peace for many years, exiled from his country after working for peace in Vietnam. He was already a monk when the Vietnam war started. Like all monks and nuns he had to make a decision: to stay in the monasteries and continue the spiritual life there or to help alleviate the suffering and help the villagers rebuilt their villages and lives. He did both, creating what is now called ‘engaged Buddhism’, founding schools, universities, meeting world leaders.

His suggestions of how to deal with pain, anger, jealousy and all those difficult feelings again was deceptively simple: to cultivate mindfulness and presence, which will be like a point, a place, a pole- from where to HOLD the difficult feeling, gently as a mother or father holds a small child; to ‘lullaby it’, embrace it… it sounded so simple and it is so hard!

And then there was the Vietnamese nun, who seemed absolutely timeless and sweet, teaching us some simple, gentle, deep songs, which still echo through me even today. A tool for difficult times: songs like balm for the soul.

These are challenging teachings for my life in which so much I do is based on schedules, planning and ‘multi-tasking’ – not just being with body in one place and mind somewhere else, but even in two, three places with my mind, body doing two, three different things! Me wearing so many different hats too- and then always the question about time: “well, if I had that kind of time….maybe then one could be mindful….”

But I have a hunch that all this isn’t even so far apart. That if I could be more present and mindful and in the moment, things could also get done easier, lighter and quicker. I am convinced that I waste a lot of time and energy worrying about things that are not even really THERE: things that have already happened or are ahead somewhere in the future. To just be and to do things in the moment is something else altogether. Sometimes when I am really absorbed in creating I can get a little taste of this. And particularly when I am in nature: steeped in nature I can manage to BE sometimes- the need to DO sometimes falls off like a drop of water from a plant, just like that, easily and I can just sit and be.
I am still practicing 10, 15 minutes of meditation per day- it is still very difficult to calm the chatter in my mind and ‘come home’. Sometimes impossible. But sometimes it also feels freeing, allowing myself to just to BE for 15 minutes- nowhere else to go with nothing to DO but just to be, the hardest thing and yet I also feels like a little gift sometimes to myself.

Here are two of Thich Nhat Hanh’s poems:

For Warmth

I hold my face between my hands
no I am not crying
I hold my face between my hands
to keep my loneliness warm
two hands protecting
two hands nourishing
two hands to prevent
my soul from leaving me
in anger

***************************

Drink Your Tea

Drink your tea slowly and reverently,
as if it is the axis
on which the world earth revolves
- slowly, evenly, without
rushing toward the future;
Live the actual moment.
Only this moment is life.